Aksher thikanay chithi...

Its been a decade that I stare at the sky and try to find you..somewhere in the stars may be...as Mufasa asked Simba to search on and on..
I stopped consoling myself, time has an amazing effect on grief, you start building your logics to bury your tears..
I was thinking what are the things that you  have missed, that I could not discuss with you. Yet I feel that you are listening to me everyday!
In these gloomy days, am missing you more and more, just to listen that you will be all right! Don’t worry!
Life has changed, Your genes got transferred to another generations, I just try to find as much similarity I can find in him from you and sing to myself,

“Who is not sure, dear, to find me on the morning.
It is me, who would take part in each game, Wow!
A new name for me,
A new pair of hands to surround my neck
I shall continue to come and go, that is me as ever.
One may choose not to remember me –
May not recall me gazing up the sky.”

তখন কে বলে গো সেই প্রভাতে নেই আমি।
সকল খেলায় করবে খেলা এই আমি-- আহা,
নতুন নামে ডাকবে মোরে, বাঁধবে নতুন বাহু-ডোরে,
আসব যাব চিরদিনের সেই আমি।
তখন আমায় নাইবা মনে রাখলে,
তারার পানে চেয়ে চেয়ে নাইবা আমায় ডাকলে॥

I will still look out for you in stars, until I reach you, sit together and look down may be...to smile at him!
Bhalo theko, Baba!

Home alone with my friendly neighbors….

It’s been a couple of years that Dr. G is known to his trusted neighbor couple, every year at a particular span, they spend here. This year,for obvious reasons I got the privilege to meet them. They were a bit skeptical with my colored dress, and again without giving much attention to me they engrossed in rearranging their home décor. I was sure, she is expecting..off course, a high time for them to renovate their home and getting the proper resources.

Well, I was also busy in doing the same too; reframing my husband’s bachelor’s den to convert it to a Our residence. Well, they were so swiftly completed their job in a week that raised my inquisitiveness. However, it seemed that they are not that interested or rather scared to see me poking my nose on their private residence! You might tell, how could you be so generous to write about such a weird couple, well, I am.

As the time tickles on, I have found that,we share quite a bit of similarity in our daily routine ! Both of us were early risers. The lady of the house rose first then with a shrill shout she makes her husband awake (something that I am afraid is way detrimental to implement in my life!!!). But I was really impressed with their punctuality. The moment the world enters in the civil twilight phase, the sun rays are about to make the east reddish a bit, I found them on the balcony with me. Dr. G was not that surprised, he said it’s happening for the last three years , sometimes he sets up his clock according to their morning chitchats! And why not? They are preparing to have baby!

For another fortnight, I was quiet accustomed with their daily diet, breakfast with tea sunken rusks (again, my favorite), lunch with a bit of cereals and non veg, for dinner, I am not sure!! It was around the 20^th day, I wake with an additional sound of their baby’s crying. We were happy , atlast! And concerned too! The mom, usually got busy to her morning job of procuring food and feeding the thinglet. One day I offered her my breakfast, she was a bit happy but thought to ask her husband whether it is wise to take food from aliens, I was a bit offended , but lastly they made me happy after having a bite from mine.

I was alone there. Dr. G is busy with his lab and me, listlessly roaming around the large flat, doing something in the kitchen and then staring outside in the evening with a sip of coffee to watch the last ray of the day. Well that’s the time when the couple and my hubby both get back to home. In the mean time the lady become a bit friendlier and visits me with her husband. They wait and watch me from a distance then come say a Hello, the swiftly nodded one, sometimes they whisper about me I suspect!!! And before we start spend some more time, the thinglets (they are twins!!!!) start shouting for their parents. I feel pity for them, they have to stay alone for the whole day! I wish they have kept them with me, which I suppose is impossible, how an experienced parent could believe a one month wedded girl, who still forgets to take out her dresses from the veranda when it showers!!

It was pouring heavily for the whole day, hail storm was there!! The tiny angels are scared and shouted. I was in the balcony, oh! may be their mom and dad stacked in between, and then I found the wet couple coming hurriedly with some foods, may be to make the babies happy!! And for the first time, I have seen the twins, they are so cute. May be after seeing me in the balcony,the anxious mom was a bit happy, ("thank God may be she can protect them" Ahh, atlast she understood my image of universal protector!!)! I was happy too, may be now the ice between us are going to break!

Days are flying like feathers!! The kids are going up. I saw them approaching their first footsteps to this crowdie, noisy world. I have seen how, patiently the couple taught them to spread their wings of dream and then my day of flying back to my old nest is approached. I am sad, offcourse to leave the warmth of being at home , but a major portion of the heart is sobbing for them. They were my best friends..an unspoken relationship of trust if not friendship was there between us…and it was the last day they agreed to pose for me..here comes a couple of the photographs..Last night DR. G told me, they won’t be here for long, I was angry, a bit upset cant they wait for me a bit more? Dr. G says “ don’t worry they will be here again , I know them they don’t break their promise, they were my good old friends ”…

Till then these photographs are there for my sadden soul..thought of sharing those to you.. especially on the day the world celebrates a WHOLE DAY (WORLD SPARROW DAY,20TH MARCH) for them!!!!

Private moments..

Our Favourite breakfast...

To fly or not to fly..that is the question..

Dare to fly..the sky is yours...

Rangiye diye Jao..paint me once again…

It is exactly one year before I have scribbled for the first time in this blog. And todays a sudden notification caught my eyes that my toddler has become one year old. Ideally it should start walking, no atleast crawling, but with my decelerated pace, the frequency of posting is so pathetic that I could not even count one post per month. But life has taken so many turnings in last one year. One ,that is worth mentioning I guess is my changed relationship status. Today, I have become one month old married woman. Today is holi. It seems to be a hattrick today and all seems to be quite colourful, isn’t it? Well, I am not here to tell you about that “girl meet boy” story because that roller coaster ride needs a novel rather a post to cover, and at this stage I find that quite boring. But what seems to be more interestingto tell you is the transient transformation which is silently taking place in my life. Silently? No way!! The sound that started poking me all day is with the couple of bangles in my hand “Shakha Pola” n a churi, everytime I want to type something this typical non filmy “khan khan” is hindering my concentration , I am quite a watch savy woman rather than churi n bracelets cladded one. I remember, in our childhood my sister used to fantasize about the marriage as something that comes with loads of gifts n jewelleries, I still remember her at the age of one or two, wearing a hell lot of my mom’s jewelleries and feeling happy! Well, its three years she is married now and with her busy schedule this fantasies are a bit evaporated it seems. For me, its quite a kind of change from my thumbrings , chains n junkies to this bangled world!! The next is offcourse, my increased interest on cullinery skills, I remember one fine morning I put coffee instead of garam masala in egg curry, as both supposed to be in “sunrise” labelled yellowish packet!!! Well, I am now quiet a bug free improved version it seems, suddenly I have started an weared interest on wives of chefs, if your husband is a good cook and can detect the anomalies of masala only by the smell of a curry without tasting it, cooking is the toughest job of the world, so with my mantra of “better go for less rather sprinkling more”, I am now quite cleverly managing the dinners ! The third and most important is offcourse getting a long break from my lab!! I am not sure whether I am very fine with this, offourse I am loving the late rising, lazy afternoons, sitting n just doing nothing in a summer day, but down the line I am craving for the lab smell (yes labs have a distinct smell, not quite hospital type, but I love it) n late night coffees! Haata khunti can’t be a perfect replacement of pippets and it would never be for me, that’s a wise sermon has come from the guy, who is finding it really awkward to see her geeky spechy barmuda clan friend in salwar avatar!! (But I must say, I am enjoying it, this is the first time I got a chance to play a different role!!). And the worst part is that My maa, who, for the last couple of years are poking me for getting married and to start”really” settling down through a marriage, is quite confused that its really better for me to get back to lab rather than asking every evening about muror ghantar recipie and all. And truely speaking, I am REALLY enjoying this with an impish grin.
And now today, when my hubby is busy in his lab, I am sitting alone and checking basantotsav in TV, I am really feeling nostalgic on those colourful memories of Dol, that I used to enjoy the most in a year. I have spent my childhood in Hindmotor, a small town, especially in a para (moholla) where very few Bengali families were there. So holi rather than dol was something we were used to. And the greater prelude used to be the “Nera Pora” or holika Dahan a day before. My little friends, all those paratuto kochi kacha used to collect the coconut leaves heaping and giving a shape of a tomb in our ground, we used go with baba, the silent enthusiastic person behind all these activities. I fondly remember the potatoes to be over burnt, but still it used to taste great! The very next day , me the only speccy five yr old enthusiast used to give the first round of walk in the para and inevitably somebody used to burst a water filled balloon on my head!!! But still I used to enjoy it. The second part was to visit mamar bari, our maternal uncle’s home where dadabhai, then a grown up teen with some most dangerous bandore rong ( which looks brown but used to turn dark read) n some silver golden colors used to attack us. But the most painful phase used to bathing, maa used to literally scrab two of us like old burned utensils, and yes, once I remember baba has poured a bucket of colour on her head during this busy activity. She used to be quite angry then, but later, I remember her fondly remembering of the first post marriage holi at Bhagalpur, where baba and her friends , used to play a typical dhamakedar bihari Holi. The next memorable holis were in my university days, coming back straight from ballygange to home through the busy Howrah station with the coloured face and a serious minus eight power look. Years after, in my post doc days we had a blast holi at the IARI campus, where the scientists including my PhD advisor, used to gather and enjoy the holi of north india to its fullest. But don’t know why whenever Holi comes, I just emerge myself in those childhood memories of visiting the neighbour’s Uma kakima’s home, the two toddlers Rima Reshmi sankhya’s shoutings “Bardidi “chotdidi” please come out!!! And off course, crave for the first abir from my baba. And the special bosonotsav memories of my school! Today I am definite, that my mother is silently sitting in her bed remembering the same good old memories, may be her first holi after marriage! A strange feeling comes to my mind today, the colour is actually on your eyes, and offcourse in your mind, you don’t need the Gulaal always, sometimes the colours of memories are good enough! And for today, well celebrating birthday of my most favourite child this blog and sharing my stories with you will obviously be included in the unlimited spacious memory drive of mine as a spectacular Holi episode. So have a wonderful, safe and happy holi…and Happy Holi to you, Maa n Baba!!!

Happy Birthday, Baba!

"...Its a special day to me..Baishe Sravan..7th August.. .today is my father's birthday..For Bengalis the day become special when on 1941 our cultural icon Rabindranath Tagore passed way ...But, for me, this day was always special as my father's birthday! Maa has prepared payesh today..a typical birthday celebration in bengal..so is in my home too! Although, I am sitting at about thousands miles away getting updates only through phone! Me too have started  the day through offering a Puja to a nearby temple! But today its altogether different to us from the other years ..As this is the first time the birthday boy is missing! But who says so! Our offerings , our celebrations all are to you only...I don't know where he is now! You never know, may be he is just sitting beside me enjoying Rabindasangeet..Just the difference is, I am missing all his wise comments that he always shared with me..Somewhere in my heart a tune of sadness is flowing slowly.. where are all those precious moments that were only between two of us...a father and a daughter! His elder daughter ..inheriting all his facial resemblance and genetic heredity too..Don't know why, we always reacted in a same way to a song or a piece of literature...or to a Rosogolla or to a movie..The only difference is that, he was always a silent observer and me always bubbling in words..But when I have started living outside home, decided to shift Delhi only within only one evening, he started speaking to me ..more...what if that's only through phones! Always picking up my phones, always waiting anxiously whether my flight arrived in time..always keeping all the bengali pujabarshiki ( he could read that what I am missing in Prabash!) ..

He used to check all my writings in my childhood, compelling me on every summer vacation to translate any popular bengali story in English..it used to irked me a lot..but now when people couldn't believe that I am from a typical bengali medium student, I send a silent thanks to him only..He had a dream of studying Biochemistry but he can't ..well , he was a person of Organic Chemistry..But I took it as my Masters subject..a silent joy spreads through my heart ..I have fulfilled his dream..The day I got my Ph.D degree he has called all my relatives..just like when this silent man shouted that I cracked Medical entrance! Last one year, was the most turbulent phases of my life, in all those indecisive  anxious moment his words  can only sooth me! My Maa used to say that, Tupur can say a night a day if baba said so! Yes it is! But I also have not listen to him several time! I have not said a sorry when I was late in an Ashtami night, I won’t listen to many trifle as well as serious decisions of mine! But still, he forgave me every time..he wished to see me for last two month..this time too, I have not listened! I hope now he can listen all my words, silent prays, all my mind!...”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

This post was actually written in 7^th august 2011, the very year I lost him from this mortal world..today after three years I was just re reading this..Things have changed quite a bit, so as the city and the person may be! That was a huge personal loss nevertheless to say! What I feel now, actually a part of my soul was separated that time..What caused so much pain? Is it that I was not there? I cant hear his last words? No, certainly not..as far as I know my self I am pretty sure seeing him dying is the worst thing I expected to say..sounds selfish, I know..but its true..But now after three years I believe that why things were so difficult to articulate that he is not there, and paramita stop brooding! Three long years, things changed, so as my family! My sister got married, my mother now started coping with her empty hands..I do remember she told me that I should not make a habit of wearing shakha-pola after marriage, sounds odd! Actually, what I feel this changed status with a lot of costumes and customs reversal are both meant to give an additional baggage of bereavement to a person.I t is said time heals everything..You know what , time doesn’t heal, it is only the adaptive power of yourself got increased with passing time..Nature’s best adaptive creature we are ,after all!

A great pain sometimes makes you wiser, I started feeling how difficult a parenthood is..I started realising how bad it would have been for him whenever I have uttered a wrong word to him, now I start realising how the remaining part of  the always quarrelsome couple ( that is what I used to tell them), my mother, started missing him this much! I don’t know whether there is a place from where the spirits can actually listen to you (I believed on this notion, more on those days, and spent so many sleepless nights thinking that it was his earnest wish to meet me , so he would come to me atleast, but no, that haven’t happened), but it would be nice atleast on their side that may be a sense of satisfaction comes to his mind , atlast she started accepting how much she loved me. I , rather stick to that notion that after death person goes to an emotionless, painless form, so atleast I am happy that his Arthiritis pain is not bothering him that much! But again a counter thought comes then how could at my every point of distress he comes in my dream so concerned tensed and console me! Just like Harry Potter I also started asking, “is it real professor? Or is it happening on my head?” and like Dumbledore I console myself , “ off-course its happening inside your head Harry, but who said that is not real?” ..(Now I have started loving this series more at my thirties cause, I find now the layered tone of philosophy behind every innocent dialogues and acts)..Now one thing is changed,for sure, as I stopped going to pray in temples on these days. The gentleman called Almighty, if he would have been kind enough would have retained him in the mortal world, just to see our prosperity, so he doesn’t deserve my prayers for his in-human act (foolish adjective he is a non human, so don’t expect that from him), and on the contrary he was good enough in lessening the pain of the people so may be he saved him from a coming worse days of ageing and pain and lying on the beds etc. ( It’s a popular way of consoling , I have  heard this a hundred times from people), so he is done with his job and there’s no scope for a reconsideration! Actually, the best conclusion can be drawn is that I have become more pragmatic on offering rituals ONLY on a special day and I deliberately stopped making this days more ceremonial to mark his absence!!! The best way to feel happy is to start believe in Magic, that atleast there is a magical world where children losing their parents can actually see them can talk with them say thanks for their unconditional love and support, for me everything is same, only I can’t see him and the conversations are definitely going “only in my head”..so in a way now I am a bit more capable in converting my anger, outrages into a solitude of memoirs!! But one thing is unchanged, still at 12 o clock I say, Happy Birthday, Baba! Let that much of childish stupidity be remain on my ageing heart, a permanent Horcrux, every parent make unknowingly and every child bears happily within!

Happy Birthday To Me!

Whenever I get a new calender, I always see what is the Day of 25th is ...is it a Sunday? I will say wow! once again!..coz it was a Sunday when originally it took place...if not, fine then...

Every year this day brings something new, either joy or pain...don’t know what it is in hold for today! 

Coz for last few years, especially after losing father, this day doesn't mean a very special for me...just like another day..only a bit more walking through the memory lane...

So this year just to make it different, start arranging my birthday memories..as I fear with the rising symptoms of dementia may be one day I will completely forget all of these…

Since childhood, they have always made me feel myself special..they means, maa baba bon and off course some very near ones , who without any invitations used to come our home and that always made me happy and excited...one was Chotomama..with his high specs (high means really high minus 10 , I suppose), would always brought a special book, duly covered , written my name in his own hand writing ,mostly in red and signed in as CHOTOMAMA ( my maa’s youngest brother)..He was like a hidden Santa for me..One day I loved a book most probably "upendrakishore Ranchanaboli" in my relatives place, some way or the day other they were reluctant to give it to me..I passed the sadness to him, and yes , a brand new one was there on my birthday!

In our times, the two famous gifts we used to receive in Birthday is Tiffin box (the steel one, which we have to struggle to open and sometimes the food used to spill out); the most attractive one used to carry a double decker, and Pencil box, here too, double deckers are the priceless one! But for my birthday, I used to get loads of story books, as I was quite famous in my childhood as a voracious reader! ( its better to give her a book, then she would stop her mischievous act ,like refraining from "what is there inside" kind of her inquisitiveness)!!

Then later, at around six - seven years age, I get to know that I actually share it with Geeta Mashi's Husband ( the most popular guy among our maternal side, for his amazing culinary skill and storytelling)..so once we were to their home..which used to be a big party itself and whenever you visit six seven members shouting in joy, ha ha hi hi stuffs. Once I had broken my head, had two three stitches and that day I was painting a Rainy day Scenery..my most favourite one..suddenly remembered it..

In our first home, my friends used to come bubu (sujaya, my first friend of nursery), jyango, mithudi and so on...

Then started my  school days..well, the last week of July was full of celebrations, 24th is Sukanya's, 25th Mine, 26th Swarupa's , 28th Poulomi and most probably 29th is Juins' birthday..so every day we used to get two candy and a baloon sometimes!! I remember Maa used to wear her famous sunglass and come to schoo,l she was quite popular among my friends as a very stylish woman , as Doyeli still says, wearing sleeveless blouse in those days late 80s! I still remember the smiling faces of my friends, even of the A sections' students;( oh! it was just like the Gryffindor-Slytherin  army all through my school days!, I was a proud B section Girl , and I still remember the big chaos when teachers strategically wanted to mix up some the A section girls to us and vice -verse, one famous inclusion was Doyeli to our section, the whole day crying and all..will tell you later that story)..As I used to give chocolates to their section too! My sister used to visit that day, a five year old kiddy, with keeping her hand on her wrist, I remember she threatened Anindita Gupta of A section saying, why you have beaten my didi? God knows, what happened when she grew old she become quiet and quite serious about studies! )..

Then I especially remember my birthday of class four, when Anasua actually brought a bunch of Roses (six , I remember) wrapped by her self and given a dramatic singing at class saying, Happy Birthday Paramita! oh! she was my best friend, and if there would have been any option that she would be a boy, I would have surely married her on that day ( no offense meant,Debanandada!).

Next saga should contain my coaching days in class nine or ten. One shy boy of my batch gifted me a Reynold jetter pen, my most favorite one, and suddenly become priceless as gifted by him, my boyfriend! 

Eventually as days goes on, that day become more ceremonial less of heartfelt wishes and all, in college a bunch of friends especially billadal, Tanusree, Kakoli, Sudeep, Anupam , Dibyendu, Tinku , Gopal the famous eight  ( some more were there can’t remember, of Bio hons ) used to be the gang of uttarpara to roar that day!..I guess Billa and Tanusree they made a hand-crafted greeting card and written inside in an amazing handwriting of billa some magical lines! He was a gem of that, the only guy who defeated me in debate, used to play the worst prank of keeping my specs at a higher rack in class room, I used to be blind , shouting !!...

At university it was with Simnatini, Krishnakali, Aniruddha I guess..mostly going somewhere sitting beneath the pantaloons our famous adda space...Last birthday at M.Sc final year were celebrated in Simantini's house..I remember koli smiling and gifting a very cute square pendent to me!! It was just before their departure to US..so a mixed feelings was there..but still I feel the same warmth and joy when we talk..and yes, sometimes social networking sites do help to keep connected with your old buddies sitting thousands of miles apart!!

In Ph.D. days I remember one birthday where Raju brought a chocolate (that diary milk multi chocolate box , a pen and a card may be) eventually gifting me one at each hour with Sanchalika and subha and sujayda...And I took a photograph!

In Post Doc days at Delhi, it was quite a celebration! cutting cakes, and then Sir wishing me in the morning and offcourse with Sushma, Maninder, Lima, Anshuman Swaroop, Prasad sir , sarda sir ..off the list will go on!!

Then?

Cant remember anything special at this moment anymore! I have almost tried to state my birthday’s bibliographically ..

In all these days, Baba used to be the first wishing me, when I was out of home, calling exactly at 12 o clock with utter surprise, now that job is replaced with Maa and off course my sister ( She set a birthday tune on my first mobile I remember, which of much surprise ranged exactly at 12 , quite a bit of celebration I feel)..and my N Jethi, ( my N uncles’ wife, Na means I guess the penultimate among the brother’s? ) who, is like my second Maa , my best friend and so on..call me always, to make the day special for me! And Subham , my brother, who used to come with a chocolate , every time I suppose..

The list has lessened now..as chotomama left me when I was in class nine, my fifteenth birthday…Subham left me at around my 26^th birthday..and baba in my 29^th)..

Now a days , Its only looking back to those colourful birthdays, watching old photographs , a sigh and yes, for a change this time writing a big Saga!…

Its difficult, you know, to cope with a changing world , loosing your dear ones with one un changed birth date! And in this post 30s, I feel, it’s a celebration of your experiences, a good log book to count your good old days and a sigh with a smile and thinking God knows where I would be on the next, same city or a different one? I am a bit surprised with my use of words, like" those days" and on, which itself warns me that you are old enough to talk like that! But yes now, after reading the whole write up again, with counting so many times the world “surprise”, is giving me one final thought, still birthday means a surprise, be happy with whom you are, with the ability to write, to remember and get counted among your friends!

Still getting a lot of phone calls exactly at 12 feels me special..Getting a call from a good old friend in the morning after 4-5 years is special and off course to write a blog to make the day special in my own way, is special!! Thanks for all who called, messaged or mailed to make this day again another special Birthday for me!

 P.S. A special note of thanks to my new found lady love in Krittika, who, with her words, with her  messages often made a simple day so special and a special day simply brilliant! Again, at this post 30. I am in love with a girl and thinking why she is not a guy!! Am I meant to be getting only sensitive girls and insensitive or over-sensitive Guys ! God Knows:)

আমার কৈফিয়ত

আজ দিন শুরু হল আমার ঘনিষ্ঠ বান্ধবীর পাঠানো একটি প্রবন্ধ দিয়ে। তিরিশের কোঠা পেরিয়েছি  আমরা  দুজনেই , বহাল তবিয়তে সোজা হয়ে হাটি স্বোপার্জিত অন্ন গ্রহন করে। তবুও প্রশ্নবান ছুটে আসে নিয়ত, কেন বিয়ে  করিনি আজও, হেসে উড়িয়ে দিই আমার স্বভাবসিদ্ধ ভঙ্গীতে। তবে কি আমার প্রেম ভাগ্যে শনি বক্র? তবে কি আমি আমার উন্নাসিক মনভাবে হেলায় ফিরিয়ে দিচ্ছি যোগ্য পাত্রদের? সাবধানবানী শুনি, তিরিশ পেরলে পাত্র পাওয়া যায় না! তারপর শুনলাম ডক্টরেট পাত্রীদের পাত্র নামের আগের ডিগ্রিটি অধিকাংশ বিদ্বান পাত্রের চক্ষুশূল! আমি আমার বিখ্যাত তর্কবাগীশ মন কে তালা বন্ধ হতে বাধ্য করি, যখন শুনি, আমার কোকিল কণ্ঠী ,  ডক্টরেট বান্ধবীর পাত্র দেখার সময় শেষ  মুহূর্তে কোনও না কোনও অজুহাতে জানান হয়, “সবই ঠিক  ছিল জানেন, শুধু যদি একটু তার …”, দোষের মধ্যে তার ত্বকে মেলানিন একটু বেশি, তাতে তার কর্কট রোগের বিরুদ্ধে প্রতিরোধ দিলেও, সভ্য সমাজের এই ছোঁয়াচে অসুখ থেকে মুক্তি পায়নি সে।

মজার ব্যাপার হল, উচ্চশিক্ষিত পাত্রদের একটি গোষ্ঠী  মনে প্রানে বিশ্বাস করে, পাত্রি হবে পোস্ট গ্রাজুয়েট , জাতে ছেলেমেয়েদের বেশ উঁচু ক্লাশ অবধি পড়াতে  পারে কিন্তু ডক্টরেট পাত্রী নইব নইব চ। তারা নাকি কু তার্কিক, তারা নাকি বড্ড বেশি নিজের কেরিয়ার বোঝে! কোথাও কি ধাক্কা খেলাম? আপনি পরিসংখ্যান নিয়ে দেখুন, অন্তত ঘনিষ্ঠ বন্ধু মহলে তারা স্বীকার করবেন। যারা  মনে করেন এধরনের প্রাগৈতিহাসিক কথা আজকের যুগে অচল তাদের বলব মশাই চোখ একটু খোলা রাখুন। ভারতবর্ষের কোনও এক বিশেষ অংশে  আজও মেয়েদের উচ্চশিক্ষিত করা হয় এই আশায় যে দেনা পাওনায় দর দামে কিঞ্চিত ছাড় পাওয়া যাবে! সেই দেশে পাত্রদের শিক্ষা ও প্রতিষ্ঠার উপর ভিত্তি করে দর দামের পরিষ্কার শ্রেনি বিন্যাস আছে , আগে সোনার ভরির অঙ্ক ছিল এখন বাজার রিয়াল এস্টেটের। আমার উছছশিক্ষিত ছাত্র তথা বন্ধুরা মহানন্দে তাদের প্রাপ্তির খবর জানায়।আবার খুশি হয় এই ভেবে যে তারা অত্যন্ত উদারপন্থী কারন ফ্ল্যাট এর মালিকানা তাদের স্ত্রীর নামে ! এবং মেয়েরাও আনন্দের সঙ্গে এই ব্যাবস্থায় তাদের ভবিষ্যৎ সুরক্ষিত হল ইত্যাদি ভেবে আনন্দে রয়েছেন।

আমার ধাক্কা লাগে। আমার ভাবতে কষ্ট হয় যে একটি মেয়ে স্বনির্ভর হলেও আজকের জুগে বিয়ে ছাড়া অসম্পূর্ণ ! এমন টা নয় যে আমি বিবাহের বিপক্ষে অথবা আমি আজীবন বিয়ে করবনা গোছের ব্রত নয়েছি! আমার একটাই প্রশ্ন, যদি আমার পছন্দের মনের মানুষটি পেতে আমার একটু দেরি হয়, অথবা আমি আমার চাকরি ক্ষেত্রে প্রতিষ্ঠিত হবার পর নেহাতি দেশ দেখার জন্য, একলা রাতে ইচ্ছেমত খাব এবং সিনেমা দেখব অথবা নেহাত এ ল্যাদ খেয়ে দেরি করি, তবে কেন সেটা কে বেনিয়ম বলে ধার্য করা হবে? আমার বান্ধবীদের ছেলে মেয়েরা ইস্কুলে গেলেও আমার যদি এখন একা একাই ভালো লাগে,  বিপুলা এ পৃথিবীকে জেনে বুঝে দেখতে দু ছাড় বছর পর ঘর বাধতে ইচ্ছে হয় তবে মশাই আপনাদের দুঃখ কিসের? আমি যদি আমার দ্রাবিড় উত্তাধিকার আমার গায়ের রঙে পেয়ে গর্বিত বোধ করি এবং আপনার ছেলেটি ঋত্বিক রোশন নাহলেও তাকে গ্রহন করে আমার জীবন “রউশান” করতে পারি, তবে কবে আপনারা বিপাশাদের পরদা ছেড়ে নিজের বাড়িতে সানন্দে নিজ অধিকারে স্থাপন করবেন বলুন তো? সমস্যা হল, রবি ঠাকুর আমাদের বসার  ঘরে  অবস্থান  করেন, নিরুপমা মাধ্যমিকের ষোল  নম্বর প্রশ্নে, এবং মা লক্ষি ঝাপি ঠাকুরঘরে । জীবন যাপন এ এখনও আমরা একটি কথার এ উপযুক্ত, শাস্তি গল্পের শেষ পঙক্তি। আর matrimony পঞ্জিক্রিত  পাত্র কুল, চিরকাল কলেজের হারমায়নির দাক্ষিণ্য না পাওয়ার “frustu” তা দয়া করে পাত্রির গাত্রবর্ণ এবং ডিগ্রিটির উপর ঝারবেন না, একটু স্বাভাবিক হন। ফেসবুকে মুখ ডোবান আর পাখির কাকলি যাদের নিত্যসঙ্গী, তাদের এ হেন “অ-প্রকিতিস্থ” হওয়া global warming এর থেকেও মগজাস্ত্রের উত্তাপ বৃদ্ধি করে, ভাবুন ভাবুন,ভাবা প্রাকটিস করুন! 

মন খারাপের মল্লার

কৈরালী বর্ষায় ভেজা দুপুরগুলো পুরনো চিঠির মতো। কারুকাজ করা বাক্সে বন্দি করে রাখতেই ভালো লাগে।মাঝে মাঝে উল্টে পাল্টে দেখব যখন তখন কি এক আধটা চ্যাপ্টা গোলাপ দেখতে পাব ?মনে হয় না। 

এই বৃষ্টিটাই যদি একটা খোলা বারান্দায় টিনের চালে তার তালবাদ্য শোনাত আমি বেশি খুশি হতাম। কেরালার বর্ষা তার রূপের গুমর যতই থাকুক না কেন , আমি এখনো কলকাতার প্যাচপ্যাচে ইলশেগুড়ি বা মুষলধারার দলে।  সেই কবে সাইকেল রাস্তার মাঝে কোচিং ফেরত দাড়িয়ে ঝুপ ঝুপ করে ভেজা, অথবা স্কুলের মাঠে হটাত বৃষ্টিতে যতটা সম্ভব আসতে হেটে ভিজে যাওয়া আমাকে এই অবেলায় নস্টালজিক করে দেয়। 

এই বর্ষায় ভালো লাগত সাথে যদি খিচুড়ী  আর ডিমভাজা আর  সাথে মায়ের বকুনি (টুপুর সারা বাড়িটা জলময় করে দিলি!!) ফাউ পাওয়া যেত।  আমাদের নন্দন কাননের বাড়ির সামনে একটা লম্বা বারান্দা ছিল।  যেহেতু সেখানকার নন্দনেরা  সংখ্যায় অতি  নগন্য এবং বই মুখো ছিল , নন্দিনিদের দেদার বৃষ্টিতে ভেজায় মানা ছিল না। 
  মজার ব্যাপার, বাবা আমাকে বৃষ্টিতে ভিজতে দেখলে কোনদিন বকেননি, কেন জানিনা মনে হয় আমার আপাত গম্ভীর বাবার মধ্যে কথাও একটা দুষ্টুমির জিন প্রছন্ন ছিল,যার প্রকাশ আমার মধ্যে দেখে উনি খুশি ই হতেন। এমন বর্ষায় সবাই বেপথে যায়, আমার সরস্বতী  বোনের  চোখের সামনে থেকে খাতার পাহাড় যেত সরে, চুপটি করে এসে দাড়াত বারান্দায়, ঠোটে এক চিলতে হাসি। ওদিকে কুন্ডু বাড়ির দোতলার বারান্দায় শান্ত শিষ্ট মনি, স্বাতীর চিত্কার, "টু-পু-র ভিজচিস!!" অথবা নিচের থেকে রিমা রেশমি, "বড়দিদি। .." সেসব ডাক দূর থেকে আমাকে আজও নবম শ্রেণীতে ফেরত পাঠায়! যাহ, হটাত উমাকাকিমার  কাশ্মীরি আলুর দমের জন্য মন তা হু হু করে উঠলো!! 

উপরের সবাইকে নিয়ে আমি একটি আস্ত বই লিখতে পারি। এর মধ্যে আমার আবহে থাকত কল্যাণ কাকুর উদাত্ত কন্ঠে গাওয়া রবি ঠাকুরের গান..অথবা মায়ের গলায় বৃষ্টি বৃষ্টি বৃষ্টি। এই সমস্ত বিচ্ছু স্মৃতি গুলো এখন আমার সাথে চু কিত্ কিত্ খেলছে।এই ভরা বাদরে ছুটেও কোত্থাও তাদের  ধরতে পাচ্ছিনা। শুধু জানলার বাইরে এক টুকরো পাহাড়ে  আমার শৈশবের মেঘদূত ভালোবেসে এসে দাড়ালো, এই মাত্র!